In the night sky...

Driving by myself on the road I lovingly call "the dead road" because the whole length is filled with cell phone dead spots and I always lose people on it. It was dark and late and I was on my way to get the kids at daycare. Alone with my thoughts... thoughts that made me smile and worry at the same time. Listening to whatever was on the radio. At the exact moment I had a particular thought, in total view of me and the cows along the side of the road, I saw my first ever shooting star. It was big, it flew for a good distance then poof with an ember fire of dissintegartion it was gone. I knew I was supposed to do something at that time. Oh yah. WISH! Hollie make a wish! I scrambled in my brain for something I wanted.. ironically it was the same thought I was having when I saw it. So, I just kept going on that silent train of thought all the way to the daycare but this time with a smile and a solid amount of ease and wonder.


I've seen scheduled meteor showers before.. on the mountainside of California... but for those, I was prepared. This totally caught me off guard and it seemed at the perfect time. It was beautiful.


Of course, I don't know what it means... if anything. But I'll like to believe it means everything will be alright... not to worry so much. Life will work itself out through the pains and frustrations and the happy heartfilled moments that put that smile on our face when we're alone are the things that make our wishes come true.

Twirling lady

Where were your hopes and dreams? As a child... where did you keep them? Did you allow the prima ballerina to dance among them at night on top of your dresser in that box? Did you keep them safe with the trucks and dinosaurs at the foot of your bed? Wherever you kept them... are they still preserved?

Recently, within this year. I have had a whirlwind of events. I have had smiles and definate tears. I have had the happiness of my children's touch and the fear of my life being gone... at the blink of an eye.. I've had the test of friendships and the reality of love and war. My heart had been so full of positive and solid contentment and promise.... and crushed. At this point... I have searched so much to find the road in wich I should travel. I've reasoned... I've pleaded... I've nearly sold my soul to find the comfort. Me, the girl who can reason anything out for the positive. Why can I not understand?

Then, I thought about what is important. What is really and truly important. Is it the routines and habits you get accustomed to? Is it what you can afford this year over last? Where are those old hopes and dreams. It's not the complicated desires that should be focused on. Open that box and let the music play... let the little lady twirl with reckless abandon. Remember those simple hopes of innocent smiles and what is in front of you doesn't seem so challenging.

When life falls out of your hands....

and you don't know what to do.

Many wonders

Here I am.. sitting in the morning, the only one awake. It's overcast, foggy and cool outside, I have my coffee and it's perfect. The kids have a day off so we're going to plan to spend it together. My life is about to take a far more productive road of individuality. Split from where my children were my career to something separate. Don't get me wrong.. they always come first but it does feel nice to have a direction all my own. They are getting older too where they want to be surrounded by their friends and less mommy. I know I will miss them immensely while I am working but that just means we get to do more fun stuff together when I am off!

Birthday

I had a very busy weekend. My friends spoil me. Here I am, at a turning point in my life.. the last year of my twenties and I'm stuffed full with wich roads to take. Never have I faced so many forks in the road. Never have I had to choose wich dirt path to take so closely. Seriously, all my life... I just hopped on the trolley that took me where I was going. This year will be crucial to me, such a learning point in life. I'll make it the best I can! I'll pave the roads I decide to take and appreciate the speed bumps and heed the warning signs and speed limits. Goodbye birthday... hello life. :)

Solitude

This looks mighty fine right about now. Me, a chair and miles of ocean.

My mind woke up this morning energized. I opened my eyes and the clock said 4 A.M. 4 AM!!!! Go back to sleep! Back to sleep! I laid there with my eyes closed for a good hour and a half. My mind unwilling to settle down and my eyes screaming for more rest. I gave up the battle and made some coffee and sat at the computer.

My quick glance at the Yahoo news page didn't spark too many synapses in my awareness. I did however learn that Denmark is the happiest country according to a survey that began in 1981. The U.S. is the 16th. In general, the survey says the world is getting happier. I don't see how this possibly is.... although, I only see in terms of this country. Unless the world is just a bunch of liars and I like to think that is not true.

I am still the only one awake in this house. It's kind of nice actually. Even the cat is still peacefully in his slumber.

Gas prices went back up 10 cents a gallon. Hmmm conveniently around a holiday!! These convenient hikes don't convince me of a shortage. Nope, I'm not convinced! :)

Nothing new to report for the 4th weekend. Just go with the flow is the plan.

Hope everyone's day is fantastic!!!

Adrift upon life's waters

We are faced with so many choices in life. What kind of dog food to buy? The red or purple shirt? Between the kind words and the harsh. We only have this one life and we need to make sure those choices lead us to the person we want to be in that life. Uncertainty doesn't seem to have a place but it does and it is essential to boot. Without questioning those choices and the ripples that those choices bring to your life you can not be positive of the outcome. You must have a period of uncertainty before the certainty hits. I believe it's each of our duties to live our lives to the fullest we possibly can, to achieve the ultimate potential within us for whatever we excell at or wish to accomplish. When we are strong as our own person... we are collectively strong as a society. We can choose to drift aimlessly on a raft on life's waters... or we can let the ripples of our choices steer us to our goals.

Just a thought for the evening.

The dissolution of fears

Sometimes, we can face our fears head on... muster up the strength within us and just leap into that pool of fear and overcome them. Yet, there are even more times when that extra hand to hold is what does the trick. The gradual process of getting your feet wet with the support of someone who loves you. That's what really does it for the most part. It helps to know that we are not alone and that our fears aren't anything unusual. Once we get over them we can enjoy the waters of life to the fullest.

Urban Dictionary Me

Sooo my friend miss anarchy Annie gave me this idea... I went into Urban Dictionary. com and entered my name.. this is what I got haha. personally like #2.


1.
hollie
love it 62 up, 27 down hate it

A very handsome woman otherwise known as a clydesdale
Damn look at that hott girl she's a hollie
hollie marlow hottie handsom clydesdale
by oregano Jan 22, 2006 email it 0 comments


2.
hollie
love it 26 up, 2 down hate it

an extremely beautiful girl, who is wanted by all. she is stunning and friendly.

wow, that girls a real hollie! you got a good one there!
hollie holly stunner beautiful friendly
by MarcusMayhem Mar 23, 2008 email it 0 comments


3.
Hollie
love it 20 up, 28 down hate it

An ollie when your back foot is on the ground and you jet your front foot out and bring back and hop back on your skateboard
DO A HOLLIE GUY! I did a hollie and i showed him up!
hollie ollie skateboard crazy wow
by Garrett Cook Jul 5, 2006 email it 0 comments

A clock in a hospital

I was in the hospital emergency room for a good portion of today. Another kidney stone. Apparently, once you have one... the chance of getting recurring stones is extremely great. I barely had to wait in the waiting room and everyone was very nice. Although, while I was laying in that bed hurting... I couldn't help but look at the clock. It was a very basic clock much like this one but not as fancy. I noticed a couple things..... the second hand looked just like an oversized red coffee stirrer and it hiccuped on the 6 at the 30 second point for exactly one second... so in reality.. time skipped a beat or gained an extra pulse. As I was getting sleepy from the nausea medicine I couldn't take my eyes off the black and white contrast of numbers and dots. I followed the bright red hand around the clock face until I was probably blue. In fact, my toes were blue from being chilly. Then a nice nurse gave me a heated blanket and I wanted to hug her. hehehe. I am home now and mobile for the most part... just waiting for it to pass.... or maybe it already has. Pesky time again...

Word of the day!

Potentate.

One who possesses great power or sway.


It's occurred to me that I have let my brain go mushy. I need to feed it more. So, here.. the word of the day.. learning new things!

Hmmm as I look at this meaning it makes me wonder about someone's real perception of power or influence and exactly how much I have on my surroundings. Something to ponder.

In a bubble....

We all jump over hurdles and come to cross roads. We all see the sign No Exit at one point. Then again, with time... we see that shining light. Some of us just sit there and longingly stare with thought and wonder and some of us pop our bubble of protection and leap into the unknown.

My daughter has her Kindergarten graduation today. Before I know it, she will be wearing the Mortar Board of tomorrow in the year 2020.

Frazzled

All this mess is done with and now... I am left to get my family back on track. Routines... normal emotions, kids things. Brandon's sensei has told me he is ready to test for his Yellow belt. I just have to make sure he gets there to class. Hopefully life will be more calm so I can get there.

Having this time with family in such a dire situation really puts things into perspective. That perspective being... you'll love them but they will drive you crazy.

We'll start with my brother... I never thought someone's ideals and manner of going about life would confuse me so much. First, there's the way he approaches his wife, the fact she's in a coma and his new "fiancee", yes there is a ring already. He lives life without a care, she is already dead in his eyes and there is no sign of remourse or even mourning. When the fact is, she seems to be slowly improving. He has already written her off as no problem of his even though there have been no papers filed as of yet. Then, there was his peculiar behavior about my grandmother's belongings. Going through things and jumping at the chance to give something to his new girl. Who, by the way probably didn't even know my Grandma's name. He seemed totally detached from any emotion other than neediness towards his fiancee.

At home, I was screaming for some privacy. I just wanted to be on the phone or on the computer doing my own thing without someone right there looking and watching and asking about it.

Granted, I loved spending time with them. I just wish there is a happy medium hehe.

Now, I am at a loss as to where to start this new less stressfull routine to life. Today has been pretty quiet and nice!

So here I sit... Iowa blog part 1

It's all over and now, my house has the most family it has ever had under one roof. It's been so terribly sad yet a wonderful blessing all at the same time. This Earth is without one of the most precious souls now. Truly, an angel. She was always helping everyone. One of the few women who have shaped who I am today. The trip was bittersweet. I saw many many family members that I probably haven't seen since I was a baby. I saw my cousins and my aunt and uncle and things just seemed to fit back into place as to where we used to be. We were bonded over one simple fact, we loved this woman like crazy. I will never forget her voice. Always telling me she could "squeeze me to pieces" or that she was "tickled pink to see me." I left with several monetary symbols of her and every piece has a story. The wedding ring she wore for the past 20 years faithfully after my Grandpa, the love of her life ... "her Arnold..." had passed on and the mother's ring. The wedding ring is actually both my grandpa's and my grandma's put together into one ring. I love it. It's so very special and when I wear it, I feel her with me. Some pearls, a recipe box she used in Home Ec class in 1932. The smell of aged paper upon it. A few crystal serving bowls, an old apron and the small crystal angel music box that my mother sent her in her last days to bring comfort. I will miss her but she is definitely with me.

Shhhhhhh.....

Woah. Wowsers. As you can see, I have been speechless. Thrown for a loop. Tossed in the clouds. I've struggled to find words and I still can not form them. Here, as I sit to write this post... candle lit with my room smelling like sweet sweet clean, crisp coconut, I am not clear on the direction it will take. I have been locking such emotions inside me for far too long and yes Melle Belle, I could very well crack if I don't lay it out there. So here I am.... Hollie in the raw... part two.

I have secrets. Hot, steamy, sexy secrets and tales of attraction, emotion, addiction and desire. I have stories of blindsided fate and an entirely too visible invisible connection. I can physically feel... in my heart, in my spirit and on my skin the feelings and thoughts that pour from this unexpected source. It's genuine and unreal yet real and out of this world.

This is just a start to wet my palate. I have never experienced my current position so please bare with me as my thoughts become sporadic bouncing beams in a rubber room because the source does indeed drive me absolutely crazy.

Mysteries

There is this house here in town, empty and cold. I have been in love with it since the first week I moved here nearly 10 years ago. It sparked my interest and my deep rooted love of all things with a story. It's been for sale this entire time as well. Cursed to be zoned commercial because it is smack dab in the middle of shopping and drive-thru eateries. I have never stepped foot in it. There is a wrought iron gate in front of it with a brick wall. Finally, I got the closest I ever had a couple weeks ago to take this picture. Through the bars of the tattered iron gate. The house itself is in disrepair but oh how I would love to get ahold of it. I am not sure what I would do. It sits on about 22 acres. This house, is forced to be a home to a business. I wonder why it has not sold.



Anyone who knows me well,knows I am a sucker for old buildings. I love everything about them. Their architecture.. the care put into the details. The strength they have to remain standing. The in depth history of what the walls have seen and heard. Whose feet have stepped inside? What emotions have dwelled within? The secrets. The stories I will never know.


I can not find any solid facts on this house. My sister in law who ironically lived here when her father was in the army... and her family holds their roots here. Says that it was at one time, the whole area a plantation. She is half African American and according to her, she says her great great grandmother was a "worker" there... aka ... slave. I have no grounds to believe this is true yet I have no reason to doubt.


This area is so extremely rich in history and emotion. Long drawn out legends of war and scandal. Of riches and deceit. This house calls out to me and I long to step inside. To touch it's walls and let the air absorb into my curious being. To climb it's stairs and picture the events that occured. Were there parties? Were there kids running through? Were there lovers? I will never truly know and I guess that is part of the appeal.


History is one of my major weaknesses. Get me going on old things and I get really excited. Must be a bit odd to be me. Eh, either that... or my soul is entirely too old for it's good and desires to be in touch with familiarity.

Hello January

Well, we are well into January. It has been here a week already. So far, the year has been nothing but ordinary. We are having 70 degree weather in January. We have had no solidifying coldness yet. This is too strange and definately throws my balance off kilter. I know you are all sick of me complaining about nice weather in winter but come on.... if it doesn't crap on us now we are going to be in for a world of hurt come summer time. Literally. Not to mention it's making me crabby hehehe. Wait, that could be the PMS.

Today is just not my day. Yesterday, I had every intention on making this day my "no procrastination day" and that idea was flung out the window like a kamikaze kitten (heheh some of you may get that) before my alarm ever went off. I hear the buzzing and I say to myself quite clearly.... Why did I set this? It's Saturday... and I turned it off. Alright... it's freakin MONDAY. So, about 30 minutes later.. I wake up in a frantic get-kids-ready mode and we're off to school .. on time! Yay... 5 points for me.

I make my to-do list... and the first thing on it explodes into a fury that I do not want to get into. Let's just say... that because of several greedy lame soldier's wives... NO ONE in this town will take my power of attorney into account in signing the hubby's name to something very important and vital not only to ourselves but about 500 others who are waiting for what we are. This document is extremely basic. So, the burden is left on him.... thousands of miles away. I can do nothing on this end and it's infuriating. What makes me even more mad is that we thought about this. We thought about getting a specific power of attorney granting me sole responsibility for this.. but when we called the company in which it is needed for they said "Nooooo don't worry about it... general is fine just send us a copy." Crap, put another point up there for actually listening to your intuition.

So, I get ready to do my second thing.... wich is, go to the store. We need pull-ups for the peeing boy and food for our tummies. I grab my purse and get ready to scoop up said boy when he's fast asleep on the couch. Now, this crazy man hardly ever takes a nap anymore. CRAP. I don't want to disturb this.. so here I sit. I need to disturb it though because I have minimal amount of time before the kids come home and we have to go to dance. Hey, I guess it did give me a moment to myself to dwell in my agitation.