I am a mom. Mom. Mother. Mommy.. Those are the names I hear most called out to me than any other throughout my day. I do get Hollie and Holz, the vey occasional Hollie-bear or Hollie-bo-Bollie and the ever endearing Sweety, Honey and Baby far less than I wish for right now. But, none-the-less the majority of the day.. it's Mommy. I'll tell you, this is not a bad thing at all. There are many other names I would not like to be referred as. However, along with that name comes so many different emotions, actions and responsibilities. Having been doing this for over 7 years now I can safely say that there has not been any other element in my life that has been such an intense experience. Such a double sided ride. They are simultaneously my activity and lack there of, my stress and my stress relievers, what makes me fall to pieces and what makes my pieces stick together. I am their world.. and they are mine. There are many events and situations, hobbies and friends that I will participate in and with, they are the forefront and basis for most all of my reasoning. I have been careful to not lose myself. I am still a very raw and personal human being with love, lust, likes and her own twitterpated emotions. In fact, I think being a mom has kicked all of who I am into high gear throughout the years.
All of this thought was sparked today with my trip to the grocery store. I can find something interesting in almost every road I travel on. This road was one that led into the psyche of other moms. I'm not sure what was in the air today but it seemed as though all moms with children in their shopping carts were off the deep end just a tad. Granted, the one mom in the store on a typical day appearing a tad off her rocker would naturally be me but today, the tables were turned. My inherantly active and mischevious child was sitting calmly in the seat designed for those particular rugrats talking to me about my list. Maybe it was the time of day.. whatever it was, I must repeat it! I was moseying aroung the holiday section of the store when I heard a lady making an odd voice in the aisle next to me. As she rounds the corner.. she has two little blonde haired girls in the cart and she is talking. Not to her kids directly but to her.. and answering herself as if she were her kids in a "kid tone." I had the biggest confused internal chuckle I have EVER belted. Her conversation went like this... "I will not drive my mommy crazy. Repeat it. Say, I will not drive my mommy crazy. That's right." then in her mock kid voice to herself "Yes, mommy I will not drive you crazy." "Good then........"
Okay yah... I must say dealing with my children has made me a little more insane than I previously had been in life. Especially when I am dealing with them all alone for over a year straight. No help on a day to day routine. I suspect being in this town and with their actions... these women are in the exact same boat as I. I have been driven crazy... but not to the point of conversing with myself, I don't think. Definately not in public. My dad asked me while he was visiting if I ever felt I have had enough and just couldn't take it anymore. I replied with a No... I always know I can take it. That doesn't mean I won't throw my hands in the air and say someone, please help me! Although, for those of you who know me.. know it's so hard for me to ask. I get unbelievably stressed... I have times where I just want to lock myself in my room for several moments and do nothing. Yet, even in those times of insanity... I still know I can handle it and do it with a smile because there are far worse things in life.. these stresses are temporary and will most likely be followed with the most precious kisses. Which leads me to my next person...... I'm travelling down the cheese section when I hear this child tell his mom that he sometimes doesn't want what she was holding and she bluntly said "Well, sometimes I don't want to be a mom." WHAT?!?! Good lord, even with all I have bearing down on me... I would never say that to my own child let alone think it. This person has a hard time looking outside the box for answers.
So, I am dedicating today... to the sweet life of a child. Even though they are my one source that completely drive me up the wall at times. I'm going to bake cookies with mine tonight and sit and watch a movie with them. Because honestly without them my life would lack the frosting on my cupcakes.
