Mysteries

There is this house here in town, empty and cold. I have been in love with it since the first week I moved here nearly 10 years ago. It sparked my interest and my deep rooted love of all things with a story. It's been for sale this entire time as well. Cursed to be zoned commercial because it is smack dab in the middle of shopping and drive-thru eateries. I have never stepped foot in it. There is a wrought iron gate in front of it with a brick wall. Finally, I got the closest I ever had a couple weeks ago to take this picture. Through the bars of the tattered iron gate. The house itself is in disrepair but oh how I would love to get ahold of it. I am not sure what I would do. It sits on about 22 acres. This house, is forced to be a home to a business. I wonder why it has not sold.



Anyone who knows me well,knows I am a sucker for old buildings. I love everything about them. Their architecture.. the care put into the details. The strength they have to remain standing. The in depth history of what the walls have seen and heard. Whose feet have stepped inside? What emotions have dwelled within? The secrets. The stories I will never know.


I can not find any solid facts on this house. My sister in law who ironically lived here when her father was in the army... and her family holds their roots here. Says that it was at one time, the whole area a plantation. She is half African American and according to her, she says her great great grandmother was a "worker" there... aka ... slave. I have no grounds to believe this is true yet I have no reason to doubt.


This area is so extremely rich in history and emotion. Long drawn out legends of war and scandal. Of riches and deceit. This house calls out to me and I long to step inside. To touch it's walls and let the air absorb into my curious being. To climb it's stairs and picture the events that occured. Were there parties? Were there kids running through? Were there lovers? I will never truly know and I guess that is part of the appeal.


History is one of my major weaknesses. Get me going on old things and I get really excited. Must be a bit odd to be me. Eh, either that... or my soul is entirely too old for it's good and desires to be in touch with familiarity.

Hello January

Well, we are well into January. It has been here a week already. So far, the year has been nothing but ordinary. We are having 70 degree weather in January. We have had no solidifying coldness yet. This is too strange and definately throws my balance off kilter. I know you are all sick of me complaining about nice weather in winter but come on.... if it doesn't crap on us now we are going to be in for a world of hurt come summer time. Literally. Not to mention it's making me crabby hehehe. Wait, that could be the PMS.

Today is just not my day. Yesterday, I had every intention on making this day my "no procrastination day" and that idea was flung out the window like a kamikaze kitten (heheh some of you may get that) before my alarm ever went off. I hear the buzzing and I say to myself quite clearly.... Why did I set this? It's Saturday... and I turned it off. Alright... it's freakin MONDAY. So, about 30 minutes later.. I wake up in a frantic get-kids-ready mode and we're off to school .. on time! Yay... 5 points for me.

I make my to-do list... and the first thing on it explodes into a fury that I do not want to get into. Let's just say... that because of several greedy lame soldier's wives... NO ONE in this town will take my power of attorney into account in signing the hubby's name to something very important and vital not only to ourselves but about 500 others who are waiting for what we are. This document is extremely basic. So, the burden is left on him.... thousands of miles away. I can do nothing on this end and it's infuriating. What makes me even more mad is that we thought about this. We thought about getting a specific power of attorney granting me sole responsibility for this.. but when we called the company in which it is needed for they said "Nooooo don't worry about it... general is fine just send us a copy." Crap, put another point up there for actually listening to your intuition.

So, I get ready to do my second thing.... wich is, go to the store. We need pull-ups for the peeing boy and food for our tummies. I grab my purse and get ready to scoop up said boy when he's fast asleep on the couch. Now, this crazy man hardly ever takes a nap anymore. CRAP. I don't want to disturb this.. so here I sit. I need to disturb it though because I have minimal amount of time before the kids come home and we have to go to dance. Hey, I guess it did give me a moment to myself to dwell in my agitation.

What a holiday!

The kids came downstairs to this sight. Their glimmering eyes were worth all the preparation.... Santa-ette ate the cookies and drank the milk. I am going to miss this when they no longer believe in the jolly red man.

This holiday was so busy. The past week I was running almost nonstop. I am looking forward to a good calm-down! I have many hopes for 2008. When I get home tonight from another trip to the airport to pick up friends, I hope to get somethings that have been held captive in my mind out on this virtual pad of paper. I wonder why when I just said "virtual pad of paper" I had a vision of writing from a hotel room. LOL. Who knows!

Companions

Did I ever mention I love my cat?

The Sweet Life

I am a mom. Mom. Mother. Mommy.. Those are the names I hear most called out to me than any other throughout my day. I do get Hollie and Holz, the vey occasional Hollie-bear or Hollie-bo-Bollie and the ever endearing Sweety, Honey and Baby far less than I wish for right now. But, none-the-less the majority of the day.. it's Mommy. I'll tell you, this is not a bad thing at all. There are many other names I would not like to be referred as. However, along with that name comes so many different emotions, actions and responsibilities. Having been doing this for over 7 years now I can safely say that there has not been any other element in my life that has been such an intense experience. Such a double sided ride. They are simultaneously my activity and lack there of, my stress and my stress relievers, what makes me fall to pieces and what makes my pieces stick together. I am their world.. and they are mine. There are many events and situations, hobbies and friends that I will participate in and with, they are the forefront and basis for most all of my reasoning. I have been careful to not lose myself. I am still a very raw and personal human being with love, lust, likes and her own twitterpated emotions. In fact, I think being a mom has kicked all of who I am into high gear throughout the years.

All of this thought was sparked today with my trip to the grocery store. I can find something interesting in almost every road I travel on. This road was one that led into the psyche of other moms. I'm not sure what was in the air today but it seemed as though all moms with children in their shopping carts were off the deep end just a tad. Granted, the one mom in the store on a typical day appearing a tad off her rocker would naturally be me but today, the tables were turned. My inherantly active and mischevious child was sitting calmly in the seat designed for those particular rugrats talking to me about my list. Maybe it was the time of day.. whatever it was, I must repeat it! I was moseying aroung the holiday section of the store when I heard a lady making an odd voice in the aisle next to me. As she rounds the corner.. she has two little blonde haired girls in the cart and she is talking. Not to her kids directly but to her.. and answering herself as if she were her kids in a "kid tone." I had the biggest confused internal chuckle I have EVER belted. Her conversation went like this... "I will not drive my mommy crazy. Repeat it. Say, I will not drive my mommy crazy. That's right." then in her mock kid voice to herself "Yes, mommy I will not drive you crazy." "Good then........"

Okay yah... I must say dealing with my children has made me a little more insane than I previously had been in life. Especially when I am dealing with them all alone for over a year straight. No help on a day to day routine. I suspect being in this town and with their actions... these women are in the exact same boat as I. I have been driven crazy... but not to the point of conversing with myself, I don't think. Definately not in public. My dad asked me while he was visiting if I ever felt I have had enough and just couldn't take it anymore. I replied with a No... I always know I can take it. That doesn't mean I won't throw my hands in the air and say someone, please help me! Although, for those of you who know me.. know it's so hard for me to ask. I get unbelievably stressed... I have times where I just want to lock myself in my room for several moments and do nothing. Yet, even in those times of insanity... I still know I can handle it and do it with a smile because there are far worse things in life.. these stresses are temporary and will most likely be followed with the most precious kisses. Which leads me to my next person...... I'm travelling down the cheese section when I hear this child tell his mom that he sometimes doesn't want what she was holding and she bluntly said "Well, sometimes I don't want to be a mom." WHAT?!?! Good lord, even with all I have bearing down on me... I would never say that to my own child let alone think it. This person has a hard time looking outside the box for answers.

So, I am dedicating today... to the sweet life of a child. Even though they are my one source that completely drive me up the wall at times. I'm going to bake cookies with mine tonight and sit and watch a movie with them. Because honestly without them my life would lack the frosting on my cupcakes.

There's a certain something....

about being outside in chilly weather with friends, a firepit and booze ;)

Cornflake Girl

Yah, it's a Tori Amos song. It's also what Jase called me now and again because I was from the land of corn... Iowa. I left there before this picture was taken in Oklahoma. The only experience with my birth state comes from visiting my grandparents. Getting lost in their big farm houses and basements. When you think of fond childhood memories... the visions of a little Hollie running through a farm and field with her cousins and playing hide and seek in what felt like the biggest houses to the imagination. Watching my grandma cook dinner and always having a cookie at my available fingertips... home made, no doubt. There were aunts and uncles, cousins and their friends. There were the old cars and toys that were uniquely just for the trips to see family. I went back this Thanksgiving weekend. Back for the first time since my Grandma K passed away when I was 10... it's been nearly 20 years. I forgot the feel of those small towns. Almost village-like. The little grocery stores and the kids who look like they are 13 bagging your food... and bringing it out to your car. I was left with the question... why oh why are all midwest farm houses white??? I did not see a single one that wasn't. The houses white, the barns red. Remind me to google that!

After the long drive... the instant we entered there was snow on the ground. I forgot how absurdly cold it was there at this time of year. It's harsh. Bordering Minnesota I wanted to start talking like I was from Sweden. We stayed in most of the time. Stepping into my Grandma's little house (she sold the big house on the farm after my grandpa died when I was 6) I had never been to this one. I figured there would be no memories there. I was proved wrong! Almost every inch of her walls were covered with pictures. There were pictures of me from birth on up... pictures of my brother I haven't seen since I was a child. There was green shag carpet and a little television. There were the crocheted items throughout the house. There were still cookies at every available fingertip... if not more. Of course, there was my grandma. She was smaller and frailer... she couldn't walk well and she forgot alot. But... to her, I was still her "little Hollie" (being the youngest of ALL of the cousins) and "oh so special" just like 20 years ago. It was wonderful feeling like a kid to your grandma... there were moments in her gentle embrace I felt as if I was that big brown eyed blonde girl with pigtails holding a very special gift from her grandma. She loved the sound of them playing. Her smile was illuminating. This time, the gift I was holding was the gift of my own children sharing in her love.

I am so pleased we went... and I am so pleased to have spent the holiday with loved ones and the spirit of the Iowa I knew as a child.